š¤ The unexpected ROI of being helpful
How helping 50 people turned into a co-founder, a startup, and a strategy for building real influence.
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8 months ago I joined the Sidebar community.
I set a goal to help 50 people in Sidebarāand ended up finding a co-founder, a company, and a community.
The Sidebar community of leaders and entrepreneurs in Tech, just wrapped up their first conferenceāThe Sidebar Summit.
I won an award!
I was given the "Go-Giver Award."
An honor I didnāt expect and didnāt ask for.
I had been giving brutal feedback to the product team for the past month. I figured they were sick of me. š
How did this happen?
Rewinding back 8 months agoā¦
I didnāt know what would come of my āhelp 50 peopleā goal.
I just knew I wanted to give.
Sometimes that meant startup advice.
Sometimes that meant helping people with their political situations, or influence strategies at work.
Sometimes it meant listening to someone who was burning out.
Other times, it was helping people navigate tough decisions in their health, career, or relationships.
I ran two workshops:
One on first-time founder lessons.
Another on how to network intentionally.
I gave without asking for anything.
Not because I expected anything in return.
But because I knew how it felt to be figuring things out aloneāit sucks. Especially on the first-time founder journey.
Then something unexpected happened.
I met Jonathanāwho would become my Co-Founder.
We clicked really fast.
Shared values, aligned missions, mutual respect.
We started building together.
Thatās how I got started with building Epistemic Me.
Then we landed our first use case in a short amount of time.
Hereās what Iāve come to believe: All the good things that came my wayāfinding Jonathan, starting Epistemic Me, getting tractionāwere downstream of giving.
This week, I want to reflect on what it means to be a Go-Giver vs. a Go-Getter.
š¤ This Weekās ABC
Advice: Go-Getters and Go-Givers
Breakthrough: The Law of Reciprocity
Challenge: Go-Give once!
š Advice: Go-Givers and Go-Getters
Think about the people you meet.
They usually fall on a spectrum:
People who ask: What can I get?
People who ask: What can I give?
The former tries to posture as impressive.
The latter has an impressive attitude.
When I reflect on my best connections, and the people I admire most, they fall more on the latter part of the spectrum.
The best connections I have are people that are not necessarily āgo-gettersā, but āgo-giversā.
So I try to model that myself.
A long time ago as a kid, starting with smaller communities in games like Guild Wars, I had committed to myself to try to leave every relationship and community I join better than I found it. (Iām not always perfect, but I try)
I also think some of this part of me was influenced by my mom always talking about karma.
Nevertheless, I didnāt realize back then playing games that this philosophy would lead me to new opportunities for my career.
Hereās my pointāyou don't need to posture to build influence.
You need to give.
And if you havenāt had anything come your way yetā¦ I strongly believe that just means you havenāt given enough.
Donāt believe me?
Even Alex Hormozi, an entrepreneur with a $40M+ exit, would agree. Be a Go-Giver to win in business. This video has a great summary from the entrepreneurial angle of the benefits of this philosophy.
Sidebar gave me that chance to flex and grow my Go-Giver muscle.
I treated it like an opportunity to practice generosity at scale:
I helped 50+ people individually.
I ran two workshops with 100+ people joining.
I made intros. Gave feedback. Listened. Encouraged.
Thatās when I started getting DMs from people saying things like:
"Your frameworks are so clear! THANK YOU"
"Your session completely changed how I think about networking."
And real relationships started forming.
Including one with Jonathanāmy Co-Founder with Epistemic Me.
A new Sidebar friend I met at a dinner, Guadalupe, introduced the two of us based on our values.
We hit it off immediately.
I value our relationship dearly, and see him as a brother even in such a short amount of time knowing each other.
Iāve learnedāthat intentionality comes back in some shape or form.
So how do you get started?
5 Go-Giver Principles
Here are 5 principles I put together on how to be a go-giver.
I actually shared this in one of my workshops at Sidebar, where I gave a talk on how to be a superconnector.
1. Share Your Expertise Freely
Give what you knowābefore anyone asks.
Example: Host a 1-hour Zoom workshop session on a topic youāve mastered (e.g. āHow To Be A Superconnectorā).
2. Connect People Together
Proactively think about connecting people.
Example: At events or online communities, actively say, āYou know who you should talk to?ā
3. Follow Up Thoughtfully
This one is simple. Literally just follow up with what you synced on.
Example: Send a note or short message after a coffee chat: āLoved our convoāthis one thing you said stuck with me.ā
4. Volunteer Your Time Proactively
Donāt wait to be askedāoffer first. (And be mindful of not overextending yourself!)
Example: Offer to review a deck, product, or resume just because you believe in someone and their work or potential.
5. Give Recognition to Those Who Deserve It
Shine the spotlight generously.
Example: In group settings, publicly shout out those who helped behind the scenes: āThis wouldnāt have happened without [Name]. Give them a round of applause!ā
My Process at Sidebar
For my own processā¦
I got all my calendars together into Calendly and figured out some recurring timeslots where I could reliably Go-Give.
I spent some time in the Sidebar registry where you can see peopleās profiles, their current jobs, their goals, and what they need help with.
I made a list of about 100 people, who had items in their profile I felt I could help with based on my experience and skills.
I cold DMed all of them a personalized message with a link to my Calendly.
A few months later, my ā50 people helpedā goal was met.
A few months later, I had 50 more connections than before with some awesome people in the tech space.
And now, 8 months away from when I started at Sidebar, I have made progress on all of my goalsāin life, and work.
I donāt think thatās a coincidence.
Be a Go-Giver.
š Breakthrough: The Law of Reciprocity
Dr. Robert Cialdini, in his classic book Influence, describes the Law of Reciprocity as one of the most potent tools of persuasion in human psychology.
He writes:
āWe are obligated to give back to others, the form of behavior that they have first given to us.ā
When we give genuinelyāwithout expectationāwe activate a powerful instinct in others to return that goodwill.
But more than persuasion, reciprocity builds trust, the true currency of influence.
And having trust and true connectionāfeels good.
Itās part of being human.
And rememberā¦
People remember who made them feel seen, helped, or empoweredālong after everything is said and done.
If you want to read more, I highly recommend this book. It taught me a lot.
š„ Challenge: Go-Give!
Pick 1 person in your network.
Message them.
Hereās a sample DM:
āHey there, how are you doing? I'm doing a small personal challenge where I try to help one person in my network.
If thereās anything youāre stuck onāwork, health, growth, whateverāIād love to hop on a call with you for a few minutes or share anything that might be helpful.
Hereās my calendly if you want to chat: [insert calendly link here]ā
Time spent: 3 minutes to DM, 30 minutes for a 1:1.
Impact: Potentially life-changing. You got this!
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P.S. If you havenāt already checked out my podcast, ABCs for Building The Future, where I reflect on my founderās journey building a venture in the open. Check out my learnings on product, leadership, entrepreneurship, and moreāin real time!
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Love the Go Give idea!